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It’s the very pursuit of happiness that thwarts happiness - Victor Frankl
Victor Frankl was a prominent Jewish psychiatrist who was faced with a difficult choice that would change his life. His career was on the rise and in 1941 he was the chief of neurology at a hospital in Vienna, Austria where he risked his life by making false diagnoses of mentally ill patients so that they would not be euthanized by the Nazis. They were rounding up Jews and putting them in concentration camps and those with any handicap were the first to be killed.
Frankl was in danger of arrest so he applied for a visa to America, which was granted in 1941. But, he knew it would only be a matter of time when the Nazis would come for his elderly parents and take them away. He feared for their life and ability to handle the trauma of adjusting to camp life. On the other hand, he was a newly married man with a visa in his hand and was tempted to flee for his life and leave for America. He was unsure what to do, so he set out for Saint Stephan’s Cathedral in Vienna to reflect and pray. Listening to the organ music, he repeatedly asked himself, “Should I leave my parents behind? Should I say goodbye and leave them to their fate?” He was looking for divine guidance.
When he returned home, he found it. A piece of marble was lying on the table. His father indicated it was from the rubble of one of the nearby synagogues that the Nazis had destroyed. The marble contained the fragment of one of the Ten Commandments—the one about honoring your father and mother. With that, Frankl decided to stay in Vienna rather than seeking safety for himself and advancing his career in the United states. He decided to put aside his individual pursuits to serve his parents and, later, other inmates in the camp.
It wasn’t long and Frankl, his wife, parents and other family members found themselves in Auschwitz. During his three years in Auschwitz and other concentration camps, he worked as a therapist and noticed that those who found meaning, even in the midst of horrendous circumstances, were far more resilient to suffering than those who did not. In his book Man’s Search for Meaning he wrote, “Everything can be taken from a person but one thing, the choice of one’s attitude, to choose one’s own way.”
His book recounted stories of two suicidal men who were hopeless and thought there was nothing left to live for. “In both cases,” Frankl writes, “it was a question of getting them to realize that life was still expecting something from them.” For one man it was his young child, and for the other, a scientist, it was a series of books he wanted to finish. “A person who becomes conscious of the responsibility they have toward another person who affectionately waits them, or to complete an unfinished work,” Frankl writes, “will never be able to throw away their life. They know the “why” for their existence, and will be able to bear almost any “how.”
Frankl’s book was listed as one of the 10 most influential books in the United States and has sold millions of copies worldwide. Why? Because he taught a simple but profound truth:
Happiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue. One must have a reason to be happy. To be happy, one needs to have a meaningful life.
This seems to be at odds with our culture, which is more interested in the pursuit of individual happiness than the search for meaning.
Researchers indicate that a life with a sense of purpose and meaning increases overall well-being and satisfaction, improves mental and physical health, enhances resiliency, enhances self-esteem, and decreases the chances of depression. The single-minded pursuit of happiness is ironically leaving people less happy. It’s like trying to grasp a greasy pig only to be disappointed as it slips away.
A meaningful life and happy life overlap in certain ways, but are ultimately very different. Leading a happy life is associated with being a “taker”, while leading a meaningful life corresponds with being a “giver”. Seeking happiness without meaning characterizes a relatively shallow self-absorbed life, in which things go well, needs and desires are easily satisfied, and difficult or taxing entanglements are avoided.
“Happy people”, researchers found, “get a lot of joy from receiving benefits from others, while people leading meaningful lives get a lot of joy from giving to others.” Which is to say, meaning transcends the self, while happiness is all about giving the self what it wants. People who have high meaning in their lives are more likely to help others in need.
Martin Seligman, one of the leading psychological scientists of our day states: “In a meaningful life you use your highest strengths and talents to belong to and serve something you believe is larger than self.” People who have a high level of meaning in their lives actively seek meaning, even when they know it will come at the expense of happiness. Because they have invested themselves in something bigger than themselves, they also worry more and have higher levels of stress and anxiety in their lives than happy people. Having children, for example, is associated with the meaningful life but requires self-sacrifice.
“Being human”, Frankl writes, “always points to something or someone other than oneself—be it a worthy cause or another human being to encounter. The more one forgets himself by giving of himself, the more human he is.”
“Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”
Luke 6:38
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