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A friend sent in this and I think it's a great piece, please read:
By Debra Macleod
As a former divorce mediator, and current couples and family mediator, I have heard every excuse that parents use to feel better about breaking up their family. In this article, I’ve outlined several of the most common lies that you might be telling yourself if you’re considering divorce. Before you believe them, or give up on your marriage, you might want to check out my Marriage SOS book series and do some serious soul-searching.
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1. My kids want me to be happy.
No, your kids want their biological mom and dad to get their act together, behave like grownups, and create a stable, happy home for them. Kids are focused on their own happiness and childhood gives them that privilege.
No, your kids want their biological mom and dad to get their act together, behave like grownups, and create a stable, happy home for them. Kids are focused on their own happiness and childhood gives them that privilege.
2. My kids will be better off.
Probably not. Research shows that children of divorce experience higher rates of emotional and behavioral problems. They are also more likely to experience poverty and mistreatment, whether it is outright abuse or cruel indifference, from an unrelated adult in the home.
Probably not. Research shows that children of divorce experience higher rates of emotional and behavioral problems. They are also more likely to experience poverty and mistreatment, whether it is outright abuse or cruel indifference, from an unrelated adult in the home.
3. My next marriage will be better.
That’s unlikely. Second and subsequent marriages have higher divorce rates than first marriages. Why? Because people rarely change and tend to repeat the same poor behaviors. Plus, subsequent marriages often involve stepkids and blended families, which ramps up the drama and conflict all the more.
That’s unlikely. Second and subsequent marriages have higher divorce rates than first marriages. Why? Because people rarely change and tend to repeat the same poor behaviors. Plus, subsequent marriages often involve stepkids and blended families, which ramps up the drama and conflict all the more.
4. My relationship with my children won’t change.
Yes, it will. A parent who does not live under the same roof as his or her child cannot have the same stature or influence in that child’s life as a parent who does. Whether it’s a 2 a.m. nightmare or a house fire, you’re simply not there to do your job.
Yes, it will. A parent who does not live under the same roof as his or her child cannot have the same stature or influence in that child’s life as a parent who does. Whether it’s a 2 a.m. nightmare or a house fire, you’re simply not there to do your job.
Regardless of the reason for the divorce, chances are good that at some point, your child will resent you for breaking up the family unit. Even worse, your child will likely blame him/herself, rationalizing that he/she was not “lovable” enough for the biological parents to work through their problems.
5. I won’t have any regrets.
You probably will. Once emotions have cooled and you have your distance, you’ll look back and wonder whether you should have worked harder to save your marriage and family. This regret will deepen as you move into old age and realize you will never feel the pride that comes with having your children and grandchildren admire you as the family patriarch or matriarch.
You probably will. Once emotions have cooled and you have your distance, you’ll look back and wonder whether you should have worked harder to save your marriage and family. This regret will deepen as you move into old age and realize you will never feel the pride that comes with having your children and grandchildren admire you as the family patriarch or matriarch.
6. We shouldn’t stay together for the kids.
Actually, I can’t think of a better reason to stay and work through your problems with humility and determination. Help is out there for those who have the strength of character to be accountable and ask for it.
Actually, I can’t think of a better reason to stay and work through your problems with humility and determination. Help is out there for those who have the strength of character to be accountable and ask for it.
7. Divorce will solve my problems.
If you have kids together, divorce won’t solve your problems; it will only create a new set of problems. You will worry about your ex-husband’s new girlfriend, and whether she’ll call you if your child gets sick or scared. You will worry about your ex-wife’s new boyfriend, and whether he’s the one giving your child a bath.
If you have kids together, divorce won’t solve your problems; it will only create a new set of problems. You will worry about your ex-husband’s new girlfriend, and whether she’ll call you if your child gets sick or scared. You will worry about your ex-wife’s new boyfriend, and whether he’s the one giving your child a bath.
Don’t fool yourself. It’s unlikely your ex-spouse will remain single for long, and once he or she starts dating, you will have no control over the strangers that waltz in and out of your child’s life.
In my opinion this is not enough reason not to get a divorce.
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