Simon Cowell reveals shame over affair, but admits fatherhood and losing his mum has changed him

X Factor boss Simon Cowell has admitted he feels "no pride" in his affair with partner Lauren Silverman, but says fatherhood and settling down has changed him.

The music mogul has spoken candidly about discovering he was going to be a father for the first time, following a secret affair with his friend's other half.

He told the Mail on Sunday Event magazine: "I’m not proud of the circumstances, I can’t hold my head up about it."

Simon is believed to have struck up a romance with his partner Lauren while she was still with ex husband Andrew Silverman, who she has son Adam with, and the affair was discovered in July 2013 when Lauren revealed she was expecting Simon's baby.Reliving the moment he discovered he was going to be a father for the first time, Simon described how he was called out of a meeting to an "urgent call" from his girlfriend.

"This was not something I planned. But I remember going to the first scan with Lauren," he said.

"I called him Tad because he looked like a tadpole. Something just kicked in. I felt unbelievably protective of both of them. I just absolutely wanted him. I just hadn’t known that before."

While Simon admitted he's not a 'conventional' dad, he said he has changed completely since becoming a father, and while he doesn't change nappies, he's a full support to both his son Eric and partner Lauren.

"I adore my son," he told the mag. "We make each other laugh. We play with the dogs. I’ve taught him to share, to say please and thank you. Whatever he has he offers it to me."Simon also discussed the X Factor's plummeting ratings, and admitted he would avoid recent mistakes in the future - with one example being the screaming audience drowning out the crowd, with the show's boss admitting he could barely hear his own acts.The star spoke candidly about his mother Julie's recent death, and said he refused to accept he was losing her when she was told she only had a short time left to live.Simon also discussed the X Factor's plummeting ratings, and admitted he would avoid recent mistakes in the future - with one example being the screaming audience drowning out the crowd, with the show's boss admitting he could barely hear his own acts.

"I wouldn’t listen. I kept saying right to the end that there was hope," he added. "And I wasn’t prepared for it. You know it all happened in my 50s. I have a son and then I lose my mother. It changes you. I’m still going through it."

While the world of One Ditrection comes to terms with news they'd be taking a break next year, Simon spoke of his close relationship with the singers - admitting their contract actually ended two years ago, but they have remained close and stuck with the music mogul instead of taking other offers, because of their "relationship" with him.

While he admitted the signers are "exhausted", he has every faith they will return.