Wednesday, 6 March 2013

Another Tragic Loss To Domestic Violence.



Anger,they say,is small madness....

A man that has no control over his emotions is not yet fit to be in the midst of elders,they also say.

Anger dwells only in the bosom of fools.-Albert Einstein

I lost a childhood friend to domestic violence and am torn. My emotions run deep,what excuse can a man utter to lift a finger on a woman biko?
My first thought was''Not another Ogo Onugu''!I gasp...her story of domestic violence that echoed round the country was to be a lesson,a warning to others trapped in this web of abuse - domestic violence can lead to death.

Now someone else I know has gone too. Her story is heart breaking.
She was emotionally abused and physically tortured for more than 16 years,and she stayed on,she stayed on because she was afraid,she stayed on because she blamed herself,she stayed on because no body will believe her story over her husband's,because he is  a PASTOR, so called ''man of God''.

She was sweet and quiet,with a calm smile that belied her suffering,she married at 21,while she was still a student at UNN. After each trip home from school, she had a tattoo of scars and had to take time to recover from her husband's show of manhood-his blows.He constantly got her pregnant and even hit her when she was pregnant! She had several miscarriages as a result of the numerous beatings.She hung in there because she too was a pastor.Her 16year old son treated her like a stranger,a father  turned  his own  son against the mother.Her last child is barely a month old. She had her baby in February and died on February 27...
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame-Benjamin Franklin


And so it ended on one of her frequent trips to the hospital,where her ''pastor-husband'' dumped her,it turned out to be the last time because he insisted they give her a sleep inducing injection. She never woke up after the shot.
Most abused homes these days are headed by men who hide under the mantle of ''pastorship''.
He probably sits in a dark corner,gloating and relieved to be free from her,but in the full glare of the church cries and moans like a goat in labour.
Where was her family during all this? I'm told she confided in very few people and didn't want the world to know.

Now the world knows.

What a painful loss.

Rest in peace.

15 comments:

  1. Sad,truly sad.domestic violence is cowardice!

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  4. the pastor husband should be stoned to near death.
    We need God to revert to old testament treatment for 6 months. If you steal, kill etc... you are rewarded with a beautiful leprosy, blindness etc.
    politicians would stop stealing and instead, donate money to government

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  6. Domestic violence is wicked!the womn is. Cripple emotionaly too.with zilch self esteem and tends to blam hersself.counsellling and family support helps.what a sad loss.the pastor hubby shd be casterated.

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  7. Domestic violence seems to have come to stay, as the victims always hang in there. No woman wants to be called a divorcee, but its sure beats begin referred to as "the late"

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  8. My take on this is 4 women 2 be financially independent cos most people caught in dis web are women whose husband's are also there meal ticket.
    If you can take care of urself & ur kids, its easier 2 kick d man out of ur life 4 good.

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  9. Matilda, is her name a secret?

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  10. Matilda, is her name a secret?

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  11. Obviously...to protect her family.how sad.

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  12. The identity can't be as important as the story and the lesson to be learnt.my question is this: how do you help someone who is being abused but doesn't want to ask for help maybe out of shame or fear?

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  13. Fear?shame?fear for your life is a strong catalyst to make you run and run and never stop till your safe!

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  14. Does she value her life or has a death wish????domestic violence leads to death.take the person out of there by force if need be.

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