THE TRUTH ABOUT MARRIAGE

An anonymous appeal to my very good friend who may be lost but doesn’t know it yet....

The truth is that every human being is intrinsically dissimilar. Because our individual mental and psychological developments are premised on different circumstantial socio-cultural variables, couples (married or not) tend to respond/react to change and the effluxion of time differently. For a lot of people, the individual they married in their twenties is unlikely to be the person they will have tied the knot with if they waited till their thirties or forties. This could be as a result of experience, maturity, the refinement of the individuals’ world view or a mosaic of several factors, known and unknown (I don’t profess to have all the answers).

Essentially, the individuals in a marriage / relationship may over time take on new attributes that may not be in consonance with the attitudes of their partner. Ironically, what appears to be drastic attitudinal or behavioral changes may have been present ab initio and have simply accentuated and become more irritable with age and time.

But then there is still some good news. We can be consoled by the fact that love (which is expected to be the primary catalyst to marriage) is protean, extremely dynamic, as its complexion and foundation can be strengthened with a lot of patience, dexterity, compromise, understanding and hard work. As I will always say, marriage is akin to a potted plant, placed in a dark room that has all but one of its black curtains drawn at a time. We water this plant regularly and it is assumed that the earth in the pot provides sufficient nutrients for the plant to thrive. The plant’s leaves luxuriate as these factors, plus the sunlight streaming through the only open window ensure that the much required photosynthesis occurs. However as the sun rises from the east and traces its journey towards the west, the potted plant has to be moved, at every point in time, to the window in the room best suited to receive the much needed sunlight. If this is not done, if as much as one party does not participate in this process, the plant will wither away and die. Consequently it is the responsibility of the couple, both individuals in the marriage, to move this plant when and as many times necessary. Tedious? Yes. Painstaking? Yes. Ultimately fulfilling? Oh Yes!!

My brother, the truth about marriage is that it is like life (it is life!), full of variables with the only constant being change. No princess and her champion riding into the sunset on a white charger, no sole glass slipper fitted only for your dainty foot, no Knights in Versace armour saving damsels in distress from a rampaging fire-breathing dragon, just plain old you with your spouse, finish!

Marriage, a successful marriage, teaches you compromise, has a plethora of ups and downs, and comprises primarily of a lot of sleeves-rolled-up-gritty hard work..so get to the hard work my friend!!

Jekwu Ozoemene