Are You In A ' Make Do' Relationship

New research has shown that as many as 1 in 7 people are in a relationship with someone who is not the “love of their life.”

And the study discovered that, of those, 73 percent have “made do” after missing out on true love.

As sad as it may sound, Dr. David Fraser, Scottish author of Relationship Mastery, says he is not shocked by the findings.

He said: “It doesn’t surprise me at all. Relationships can work at so many different levels and, while we have our ideal of what we would consider the love of our life, there are many other ways in which a relationship can work.

“There are also all sorts of practical considerations, which mean people stay in relationships.

“Sometimes, the bottom line for many people is something is better than nothing and while there is this idea that the grass is always greener on the other side, the fact is, it is not always the case.”

Life coach Linda Cameron of the Glasgow and Edinburgh-based company Inspire for Impact, helps people work on understanding their relationships better.

She believes that while someone might believe they are not with the love of their life, there is a chance the person might actually turn out to be “the one” if they stopped comparing them to a non-existent ideal or former partners.

She said: “I think some of those who think they’re in a relationship with someone who isn’t the love of their life might actually begin to see different qualities in that person if they stopped trying to make that person live up to an ideal.

“When people start to live in the now and appreciated what’s happening, then they can discover the person they are with actually is exactly what they are looking for.”

However, Cameron also believes there comes a time when many people will find a comfortable, safe or make-do relationship is no longer enough for them.

She said: “If you want to love someone wholeheartedly and be loved by someone wholeheartedly, and the relationship you are currently in doesn’t really do it for you, yet you decide to stick it out, then there undoubtedly comes a time when putting up with the relationship is no longer an option.”

Dr Fraser, though, reckons that when it comes to deciding whether to stay in a relationship, everyone has to make the best of their own situation.

He said: “Everyone needs to find their own answer and figure out what arrangement suits them best.

“In some instances, that might be staying in a relationship that’s not necessarily with the love of their life. It’s a case of people making the best of their own situation, not to endure something but seek to make what you have as best as it can be through communication.

“But if that doesn’t really add up to something then it is undoubtedly best to move on.”

And our experts reckon staying single to wait for Mr or Mrs Right can mean missed opportunities.

Linda said: “Those who hang back for the ideal man or woman really need to try to give the ordinary, real people a go.

“You might find exactly what you were looking for.”
Dr David added: “If you are looking for perfection then I think it is a look-in-the-mirror moment because how perfect are any of us?

“A relationship is about making the best of the possibilities.”

The study, by Siemens Festival Nights, also revealed that 17 per cent of adults polled said they had met the love of their life after they got together with their long-term partner, while a quarter said they’d been in love with two people at the one time and 60 per cent of the 2000 people said they knew within 10 weeks if someone was the one.

Nearly half reckoned they would be prepared to leave their current relationship if they met someone they loved more – though men were more loyal than women.

The research also revealed that, on average, everyone falls in love twice in their life and has suffered heartbreak once, though, sadly, one in 20 adults has been heartbroken more than five times.

Samantha Booth