The Old Cougar

I met up with an old Cougar friend
Last night at a dance
And told her about a younger man
I had just met by chance
She peered at me through the red of her glowing cigarette
An all knowing patronizing smile as she smugly shook her head

If you don't mind my saying'
‘I can see that you are new at this’
‘So for a taste of your strapping Cub
I will give you some advice
I handed a nude picture, he sent to my BB Phone
She read out loud his text inviting me to his home
Then the night got deathly quiet, and her face lit up like the sun
She took a long drag on her cigarette
Before she began her song

I’m a Jane of the jungle;
I always pander to my flesh
My Lions keep me comfortable
A young Cub always warms my bed

So, way to go gurl!
E dey sweet!
No need to be discreet
For when the Lion is in the Jungle
The Cub plays in my bed
How can they possibly meet?
Unless it’s in my head
Age is just a number
So what if he is ten years younger?
Once you feel his washboard abs
You will tire of the Lion’s flab

Way to go gurl!
Cubs dey sweet!
No need to be discreet
And his younger wife?
She can’t keep him
Not after he has eaten from this Cougar’s Kitchen
Explored the experienced recesses
Of my hedonistic excesses
Life is not fair
That’s why there are Cubs out there
Foolish enough to break their homes
To continually chew on your old sweet bone

Way to go gurl!
No need to fear!
Whenever he barks
Make him think he is in charge
Take the Lion’s pretty money
Buy the Cub a lot of honey
But whatever you do
Don’t let the Lion know

So hit the road gurl!
And don’t you worry no more!
No more!
No more!
No more!
Hit the road gurl!
And don’t you worry no more!
What you say?

When she finished speaking
She crushed out her cigarette
Nodded at me calmly
And headed for the toilet
Somewhere in the darkness
I heard Ray Charles sing
‘You're the meanest old woman that I've ever seen’



Jekwu Ozoemene© 2013